


I Won't Give Up On You

by alyb123



Category: The Blacklist (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Kiss, Friendship, Keenler - Freeform, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:08:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27841258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyb123/pseuds/alyb123
Summary: After seven seasons, Ressler and Liz have finally acknowledged they are more than just friends but with Liz on a quest for revenge against Reddington, their relationship is complicated. The first two chapters extend and add to the Keenler moments seen on screen in episodes 8x01 and 8x02 and I expect to add chapters as the season continues in January. *Updated to include Episode 8x03 and rating changed*
Relationships: Elizabeth Keen & Donald Ressler, Elizabeth Keen/Donald Ressler
Comments: 3
Kudos: 96





	1. The Wrong Time

Ressler watched Liz disappear into the shadows until he could no longer see even the faintest outline of her coat. Moments later, he heard a car start and the crunch of gravel under the tires as it sped away. Exhaling audibly, he strode across the road, climbed into his SUV and smacked the palm of his hand hard against the steering wheel. 

“Damn it, Keen,” he muttered.

He put the key in the ignition but leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes without starting the engine. As he clenched his hands in his lap, the physical pain from his stinging palm was a welcome distraction. Instinctively, he licked his lips and immediately regretted it as the taste of her lipstick danced on his tongue.

“Damn it,” he repeated, his voice cracking. He swallowed hard as he opened his eyes and stared in the direction that Liz had gone. He licked his lips again before angrily swiping the back of his hand across his mouth. After a moment, he turned on the engine and gripped the wheel tightly as he headed home.

* * *

Liz darted glances into her rearview mirror as she peeled away from their meeting spot, only turning on the car’s headlights as she approached a main road. She was reasonably sure that Ressler wouldn’t try to pursue her, but it took several miles before her heart stopped pounding. The weight of Ressler’s gun in her pocket made her coat feel uneven and she shifted slightly in her seat as it bumped against her thigh.

Liz bit her lip as she blinked back tears. The kiss was unexpected; she certainly hadn’t planned it. But in that moment, it had felt as natural as breathing. _And he responded_. _He didn’t even hesitate_. Liz touched her fingertips lightly to her lips as she drove. “The right thing at exactly the wrong moment,” she murmured aloud. Once he’d reminded her that still he needed to do his job, she’d known he wasn’t going to just let her walk away. Liz took a deep breath and forced herself to focus on the mission ahead of her. Hopefully Ressler would heed her plea for time, no matter how hurt he might be. But she and Katarina would need to move quickly, regardless.

* * *

Ressler tossed his jacket on the back of a chair and loosened his tie as he headed straight for the bookcase and the bottle of whisky he kept in the cabinet. He poured himself a generous helping and sank onto the couch. He took a long sip from the glass hoping the drink would erase the lingering taste of Liz.

 _You’re a fool_ , he berated himself as he took another long sip. He’d known going in that he shouldn’t trust her and yet, he’d let his guard down. And boy, she had taken full advantage of that. She’d played him.

 _The look on her face. Her eyes._ In that moment, it had all seemed real. Ressler slammed the glass down on the coffee table and stalked over to the window and stared moodily out into the night.

He could have called Cooper – should have, probably. Or Reddington. He still could. _And say, what, exactly?_ He shook his head. A promise was a promise and he’d promised not to give up on her. He just hoped she hadn’t given up on herself. 

* * *

Liz left Katarina’s motel room and unlocked the door to the room she had rented across the hall. She shrugged out of her coat and draped it over a chair, slipped off her boots, and stretched out on top of the bedspread as she reached for her phone.

The doctor insisted they had to wait until morning to begin pressing Dom for answers. She set her alarm for 5 a.m., knowing that even if Ressler was inclined to give her time despite what she’d done, there was only so much time he could give. Glancing at her watch, she decided it wasn’t too late to make a call.

“Beth, hi! How’s Agnes?” Liz asked eagerly as her friend answered.

“She’s great, but they went to bed a couple of hours ago. I don’t want to wake them if that’s okay,” Beth apologized.

“No, of course,” Liz replied quickly. “I totally understand.”

“How’s your trip going? Do you know yet when you’ll be back?”

Liz hesitated a moment before replying. “Going fine so far, thanks. And no, unfortunately I don’t have a return date yet. That’s okay, right?”

“No, of course,” Beth reassured her. “Agnes was asking before she went to bed if I knew when you were coming back. Let me know when you have a date so I can tell her, but we’re here and it’s fine. I think I might take them to the Children’s Museum tomorrow.”

“That sounds perfect, thank you so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate this.”

“Anytime, Liz. I totally understand. Take care of yourself, ok?”

“I will, Beth, thanks.” She’d lied to Beth about having to travel for work, gambling that Cooper wouldn’t spread her face all over television as a wanted fugitive. But she knew her time was limited on all fronts. She couldn’t keep up the ruse forever. After a moment’s hesitation, she opened her text messages to Ressler.

“I’m sorry,” she typed. Her finger hovered over the send button. _Will this make it worse?_ Liz wondered. She hesitated another moment and then quickly deleted the unsent message and put her phone away. _Better to handle this in person_. Liz leaned over and turned off the lamp and closed her eyes.

Sleep proved to be elusive and Liz found herself tossing and turning as she tried to get comfortable in the unfamiliar bed. Her mind kept returning to Ressler and their kiss. She was still surprised she had done it, but it had felt right in that moment. More right than she would have imagined. Eventually, she fell into a restless sleep. 

* * *

Ressler poured himself a second helping of whisky and then a third before he forced himself to go to bed to avoid the inevitable hangover that would result if he continued trying to drown his sorrows.

_Liz held his gaze, her lips slightly parted as she leaned towards him. Her lips barely grazed his at first, but his skin felt as if it was burning as her fingers touched his sleeve. He slipped his arm around her back and pulled her closer to him. His tongue touched hers, tentatively at first and then more insistently as their kiss deepened. Her lips were like velvet, soft and tender and he could smell the faintly perfumed scent of her hair. His heart pounded as he drank her in. She was intoxicating and he wanted more. He pulled her closer and --_

Ressler woke up suddenly feeling as if he was gasping for air. 

“Damn it,” he growled again as he rolled on his side and pounded the pillow in frustration. He felt betrayed by his own body as much as he felt betrayed by Keen as he realized he was sporting a raging hard-on.

Unwillingly, he replayed the scene in his mind as he stared at the empty wall next to the bed. She’d never looked at him that way before. Not outside his dreams, anyway. The ones he tried to bury so deep down they’d never see the light of day. Had he given something away? Let something slip through? He’d long ago reconciled to the idea that they would never be more than partners and friends, no matter how much he might have once hoped for more. He’d forced himself to accept that she simply didn’t see him that way.

 _Or does she?_ The nagging voice that had haunted his nights sporadically over the past two years – hell the past five - was back with a vengeance. Ressler gave up on the pretense of trying to sleep and padded into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. He pressed the cool glass against his face before taking a sip. Sometimes Liz would say something or shoot him a look that made the heat rise. But most of the time, he didn’t question their relationship or where it was headed. He mostly just wanted her to be happy. Her and Agnes.

 _She’s never gonna be happy without answers_. He knew that deep down and knew it was still true. It’s why he’d perjured himself for her when Red was on trial. It’s why he’d initially set out to find answers about her mother even when she’d asked him not to. He stared at the water in the glass as he swirled it in his hand. _It’s why you gotta give her time_. And in that moment, he knew that was exactly what he was going to do, consequences be damned.


	2. Too Late

Liz woke before her alarm and stared miserably at the popcorn ceiling of the motel room, barely visible in the darkness. She felt a foreboding sense of dread that left her feeling jittery and slightly sick to her stomach. After a few minutes, she got up and made her way into the bathroom. The reflection that greeted her didn’t improve her mood. She had dark circles under her eyes and her cheeks looked hollow. As her stomach lurched, she realized she hadn’t eaten anything since lunch the day before. She was going to have to do something about that if she was going to make it through the day. She filled the room’s tiny coffee pot with hot water and rummaged in her bag for a granola bar.

* * *

Ressler strode into the Post Office and his heart sank as Aram immediately made nervous eye contact. Within seconds, Aram was hovering in the doorway of his office.

“What is it?” Ressler asked as he lowered himself into his chair.

Aram glanced quickly over his shoulder before closing the office door. “It’s probably nothing,” he stammered. “But Cooper asked me to pull Agent Keen’s cell phone records and –“

“And you saw we exchanged text messages last night,” Ressler replied brusquely.

“Yes,” Aram exhaled, relieved. “I mean, I don’t know what you said, but wanted to let you know before I spoke with Mr. Cooper because he might ask to see your phone, and…” Aram’s voice trailed off.

“It’s fine, Aram,” Ressler replied curtly. “I was gonna tell him anyway.”

“Is she ok? I mean, did you talk to her?” Aram replied anxiously.

Ressler pursed his lips and met Aram’s gaze. “She needs time. Time to press her grandfather for some answers before we swoop in. She promised me they won’t harm him. Look, I know it’s a lot to ask but…”

Aram stood up straight as his face brightened. “Don’t say another word. It takes time to subpoena phone records. Well, except when you have a friend at the phone company who’s ok with not waiting for the warrant, but—yes, I can slow things down. Anything for Agent Keen, and especially if _you’re_ okay with it,” Aram added rapidly.

“What does _me_ being okay with it have to do with anything?” Ressler asked.

Aram shifted uncomfortably in the doorway. “Well, it’s just that you’re normally Mr. By The Book, you know? So if you’re okay with bending the rules to help Agent Keen, I’m certainly not going to stand in the way.”

Ressler exhaled audibly. “Well, I appreciate it. And so will Liz.”

Aram grinned conspiratorially as he disappeared back into the War Room.

An hour later, Ressler could cheerfully have strangled Reddington. He clenched his fist into a ball, wanting nothing more than to wipe the smug smirk off the man’s face. _How did he know? How the hell did he know?_ He stalked down the stairs from Cooper’s office, half shaking with rage. He was sure Liz hadn’t told Reddington anything about their meeting, and who else would have? Hell, Aram still hadn't even handed over the phone records to Cooper. Yesterday he would’ve insisted to anyone who asked that they were just partners and friends. _How the hell did we go from that to Reddington calling me out in front of my boss 24 hours later?_

* * *

Liz paced anxiously outside Dom’s room as she weighed what to do. She knew she had made a grave mistake. The man was clearly too sick to provide the answers she and Katarina needed and Liz was becoming increasingly terrified that they might lose him trying. She wasn’t ready to have that on her conscience. Liz leaned her forehead against the cool concrete wall and took a deep breath. _Be the bigger person_ , she thought. _Do the right thing_. Taking a deep breath, she dialed the one person she hoped was still on her side. She heaved a sigh of relief as he answered promptly.

“Ressler.”

“It’s me.”

* * *

Ressler could barely focus as he drove back to the site of their prior rendezvous. _How did Reddington know?_ He replayed the scene over his mind. Somehow, the man knew, and Ressler remained positive Liz hadn’t told him. And Liz – she was reaching out far sooner than he expected, which meant that something must be seriously wrong. He pressed the accelerator harder as he sped to find out what it was.

There was no sign of her when he arrived. Ressler parked under the designated overpass, cut the ignition and settled in to wait. Finally, her car appeared behind his. Liz flashed him a cautious, but apologetic smile, as she slid into the passenger seat beside him. He was determined not to let her know she had actually gotten to him with her little stunt.

“Keen, I--“ he began before Liz cut him off.

“Don’t say it.”

That was the last thing Ressler needed to hear in his already agitated state. “Don’t say what exactly?” he replied, exasperated. “Of the 10,000 things I should say--“

“ _Ressler_.” Liz implored, but he was too enraged to stop.

“What, don’t commit felony kidnapping? Don’t betray everyone you work with? The only people who’ve proven over the last seven year how much they actually care about you?” Ressler’s voice rose and knew he was failing miserably at keeping his emotions in check but he didn’t even care. He needed to get it out.

Liz seemed unphased. “It’s done. I made my choices. And I’m not here for your forgiveness or approval,” she retorted cooly.

Ressler shook his head, his anger rising. “Then what _are_ you here for? Why did you call me? Just to inform me that you’re torturing your grandfather for information?” He was beginning to think the entire meeting – hell, both meetings – had been a mistake.

“No one’s being tortured,” Liz snapped. “Come on, you know me better than that.”

“Do I?” he retorted, “See, I thought I did, but lately, boy, you’re full of surprises.” He was gratified to see that Liz seemed genuinely stung.

“He’s in a safe house, in the warehouse district,” she snapped.

“With your mother, the woman who shot him in the chest!” Ressler interjected.

“She’s not gonna hurt him,” Liz reassured.

“Oh, and you believe her. Well, you got it all figured out,” Ressler replied sarcastically.

Liz exhaled slowly as she registered the palpable pain and anger on her partner’s face. She hadn’t seen this side of Ressler in a long time and she knew it was her own fault.

“He had another seizure,” Liz explained quietly. “We need more doctors, advanced equipment.”

To her relief, Ressler’s expression softened immediately. “So that’s why you called me. He needs more doctors?”

Liz exhaled slowly. “He has answers. All of them. I thought if he wouldn’t talk to her, he’d talk to me, have some human response to his granddaughter pleading for help.”

“And he said nothing?”

“It’s my mistake,” Liz replied regretfully. “Whatever humanity he had died a long time ago.” 

Ressler nodded slowly as her words sank in. He’d do what needed to be done. Everything else could wait. “Tell me where he is,” he replied slowly. “I’ll go myself with a transport van, get him whatever help he needs.”

Liz nodded gratefully, “And what about my mother?”

Ressler held her gaze for a long moment. He wanted so badly to help her but he also knew he couldn’t ignore her mother’s crimes.

“Liz, you know this has to end,” he said in a low voice, tinged with regret.

Liz blinked as she registered his response. “I know how Reddington wants it to end,” she replied curtly. “Or how it’ll end if you go by the book. But can’t you just ignore the rules, just this one time?” she pleaded.

The tension between them was palpable as Ressler held her gaze. Part of him wanted to say yes, to do anything she wanted. But the other part him knew that if he did, he wouldn’t be keeping his promise to prevent her from being swept out to sea, he’d be pushing her right into the wave.

“Think about what you’re asking me to do,” he pleaded. “She tortured Reddington, shot Dom, abducted Dembe’s imam.”

Liz seemed unmoved. “To save her own life! And mine!”

Ressler exhaled slowly. Katarina clearly had a strong pull on Liz and he wasn’t sure that anything could change her mind, but he had to try. “Liz, listen to me,” he implored, “you’re on this quest to find answers about your family. Well, I’m as close to family as you got, and I’m telling you – if you don’t stop protecting her, you’ll end up destroying yourself.”

Ressler could tell he’d hit a nerve as Liz pulled back sharply and registered what he’d said. _Good_ , he thought.

But a moment later, her expression became dispassionate. “I’m sorry,” she retorted curtly.

Ressler swallowed hard as he felt the sudden chill and immediately questioned whether he had done the right thing. “Don’t be,” he said quietly.

“I shouldn’t have put you in this position,” Liz continued, coldly.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Ressler implored, “I would do anything for you if I could.” His eyes scanned her face anxiously, searching for some sign of feeling. He was now convinced he’d gone too far.

“But you can’t do this,” Liz replied bitterly.

Ressler hesitated, wanting so badly to take it all back, to tell her what she needed to hear, but he just couldn’t do it. “Now I’m the one who’s sorry,” he murmured. Liz gave him a barely imperceptible nod as she opened the door and slipped out of the SUV. Ressler turned his head away as she left and swallowed hard, already second-guessing his response. Moments later, his reverie was interrupted by Liz’s panicked cry, “Ressler!”

Instinctively, he whipped open the door of the SUV and brandished his gun.

* * *

Chuck maneuvered Liz unceremoniously into the backseat of his car while Morgan confiscated his gun and shoved Ressler in beside her. Ressler’s face was flushed as he turned to face her.

“I didn’t know,” he insisted, “I didn’t know they were following me. I would never –“

“It’s ok,” Liz cut him off. “I knew it was a risk asking to meet, but I had to take the chance for Dom’s sake.”

“I swear, I didn’t know,” he repeated.

“I believe you, it’s ok,” Liz whispered. The anguish on his face left no doubt in her mind that it was the truth.

“Reddington showed up at the Post Office this morning. He must’ve put a tracker on my car.” Ressler smacked his leg in frustration. “I should have known he’d pull a stunt like that.”

“He’d be more likely to put something on you than on the car if he wanted to know what we were saying,” Liz mused. “Did you have close physical contact with him at any point?”

Ressler turned a deeper shade of crimson as a muscle in his jaw twitched. “Dembe,” he muttered.

“What happened with Dembe?”

“I went to take a swing a Reddington,” Ressler replied tightly. “Dembe held me back.”

“You were going to hit Reddington?” The corners of Liz’s mouth twitched upward in bemused disbelief. “What brought that on?”

“Believe me, nothing would have given me more pleasure,” Ressler retorted grimly. He had no intention of telling her the details. “That man always knows exactly what buttons to push.”

Liz chuckled softly as she nodded in agreement. “Well, I’d love to be there the day you actually go through with it. In the meantime, come closer, turn towards me.” Ressler obliged and he shivered slightly as she slipped her hands inside his coat and ran her fingers lightly over the fabric of his suit jacket. It didn’t take long for her to emerge triumphant with the bug between her thumb and index finger.

“Sonofabitch,” Ressler exclaimed as Liz tossed the bug on the floor of the car and ground it with the heel of her boot. 

By the time they arrived at Red’s restaurant, Liz could see that Ressler was out for blood. The vein in his neck was throbbing and beads of sweat coated his forehead and upper lip.

“Please don’t let him get to you,” she whispered as they followed Chuck and Morgan through the back door. She grabbed his sleeve to hold him back. “That’s what he wants. Don’t give it to him”

Ressler nodded curtly but she knew him well enough to know he wasn’t really listening. Anger had overtaken reason.

She stood quietly as she let the men exchange barbs, knowing Red well enough to know he wouldn’t dare try to hold the both of them for long. As she expected, Red quickly told Ressler to leave and to leave her with him. With a reassuring nod, she met Ressler’s gaze. _Go_ , she willed silently. His presence wouldn’t help her, but his voice in Cooper’s ear might, if it wasn’t too late already.

* * *

Cooper turned to Ressler as he hung up the phone with Reddington. “Get our people to the warehouse district. Bring Agents Mojtabai and Park up to speed. It’s a long shot, but maybe we can find them first.”

Ressler nodded as he turned to leave Cooper’s office.

“Agent Ressler,” Cooper said sharply. Ressler turned in the doorway to face his boss.

“Sir?”

“Going forward, I expect your loyalty to be to this Task Force and its objectives regardless of your personal feelings towards any member of that Task Force. Do I make myself clear?”

Ressler gave Cooper a long look as he cleared his throat. “Perfectly, sir,” he replied crisply.

“And if you cannot meet that objective I expect your prompt resignation on my desk, is that also clear?” Cooper added grimly.

Ressler swallowed hard. “Yes, sir,” he managed, somewhat less crisply.

* * *

“You want to tell me what’s going on?” Park asked as they sped across town to the warehouse where Dom was being held.

“What do you mean?” Ressler replied as he lurched the SUV across another intersection, “you know as well as I do what our objective is – secure Liz’s grandfather and bring him to a hospital.”

“Yeah, I know that,” Park retorted as she grabbed the door handle for support against his vigorous turn. “What I don’t know is why you’re wound up tighter than a yoyo and why this mission suddenly seems personal for you, and not just for Liz. So why don’t you tell me what’s _really_ going on.”

“I care about what happens to her grandfather,” Ressler replied tightly.

“I’m sure you do,” Park replied evenly as she tightened her grip on the door handle, “but from where I sit, he’s not the only Rostov or Rostova or whatever their name is who’s gotten under your skin,” Park smirked.

Ressler gave Park a long look as a muscle twitched in his jaw. “Have I ever told you that you sometimes remind me of my old partner, Samar?”

“No,” Park replied cheerily, “but I’ll take that as a compliment. From what you and Aram have said, I think Samar and I would’ve gotten along really well.”

* * *

Ressler watched silently as the coroner’s office prepared to remove Dom’s body from the warehouse. He couldn’t shake the image of Reddington tenderly kissing the old man’s forehead. He’d shown him more concern and affection than his own daughter had and Ressler couldn’t make sense of it. His phone rang and Ressler frowned as he saw Dembe’s number on the screen.

Moments later, he rushed out of the warehouse and gestured frantically for Park to follow him. 

“What’s going on?” Park asked as she buckled herself in next to him.

“Keen called. Put Aram on speaker,” Ressler instructed curtly. “I don’t have time to explain it twice.” He flipped on the lights and siren and pressed his foot down on the accelerator as he sped towards City Park.

Ressler’s eyes darted side to side as he entered the park, frantically scanning for any sight of Liz. But it was Park who spotted her first. “Look, ten o’clock, there’s Agent Keen.” Ressler followed her finger and his heart sank at the sight of Liz curled on the side of the path in a pile of leaves. He drove another 500 feet, slammed the SUV into gear and was off sprinting on foot before Park could say another word.

“Keen, talk to me, are you hurt?” Ressler asked as he skidded to a halt beside her crumpled form, leaves flying everywhere. He dropped to his knees and put his arm around her shoulder.

Liz shook her head as Ressler let go of the breath he’d been holding.

“What happened?” he asked quickly. “Where’s Reddington?’

“He shot her,” Liz gasped. “My mother. He shot her right in front of me. He went that way,” Liz pointed her finger shakily in the opposite direction from where Ressler had entered the park. “We can’t let him get away with this!” she implored, her face streaked with tears.

“We won’t,” he reassured her as he reached for his radio to call Aram and Park. “Keen says Reddington shot Katarina and escaped east,” he murmured. “Tell Cooper and put out a bolo.”

“He took her body too,” Liz gasped as she gripped his sleeve desperately. “Promise me we’re not gonna just ignore this! No matter what she did.”

“I promise,” Ressler reassured again as he reached for the radio. “Reddington has Katarina’s body with him,” he relayed to Aram and Park.

“Do you know the plates?” he asked Liz quietly.

Liz shook her head. “No, they had a grey car – the same one they used to bring us to Reddington – and a black sprinter van.”

Ressler quietly relayed those additional details to Park and Aram and then turned to Liz with a serious expression. “I’m sorry we were too late. For Dom and for your mother.”

“ _I_ was too late,” Liz cried, still struggling against the weight of emotion. “I thought if he saw me he might stop but…” Liz’s voice trailed off. “I didn’t think he’d actually go through with it,” she whispered.

Ressler wordlessly took her hand and squeezed it tightly. “Come on, let’s get you out of here,” he said gently.

Liz didn’t protest and slowly rose to her feet as Ressler protectively wrapped his arm around her and they began the slow trek up the hill back to his SUV. As they approached the car, Park stepped forward. “I have all agencies tracking the vehicles you described. They won’t be able to hide for long.” Ressler nodded curtly as he steered Liz towards the passenger side of the SUV. “Great,” he replied. “Stay here, process the scene, I’m taking her home,” he said pointedly. Park blinked. Ressler’s expression left no room for argument.

“Of course,” Park replied briskly. “I’ll keep you updated.”

* * *

“Where’s Agnes?” Ressler asked as they drove away from the park.

“With my friend Beth,” Liz replied wearily. “She thinks I’m traveling for work and is prepared to have her for as long as a week.”

“Good. That’s good,” Ressler replied quietly. “I’m gonna take you home.”

“Home? No!” Liz protested. “I have a motel room and I –“

“Liz, Reddington shot your mother. He’s not gonna come anywhere near you after that and Cooper will understand. So unless there’s some threat you’re not telling me about, I think you should go home and get some rest and forget the motel.”

Liz hesitated, but then nodded slowly. “Ok,” she whispered. 

* * *

When they arrived at Liz’s apartment, Liz hung up her coat and then sank onto the couch and put her head in her hands. Ressler hesitated for a moment before removing his own coat, unsure whether his continued presence would be welcome, but he didn’t want to leave her, not like this. He crossed the room and sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her tightly. He could feel her shoulders shaking as she leaned into his embrace and began to sob. He held her and stroked her hair as she cried.

By the time Liz pulled back and wiped at her eyes, the room was nearly dark. Ressler got up, grabbed a box of tissues and flipped on the light before rejoining Liz on the couch. He continued to stroke her back lightly as she blew her nose.

“I’m a mess,” Liz said in a small voice as she turned to meet his gaze with red-rimmed, watery eyes.

“You have every right to be,” Ressler reassured her. He took his thumb and gently wiped a tear off her cheek. 

“I haven’t even showered or eaten a proper meal two days,” Liz admitted. “I feel like I’m falling apart.”

“Tell you what, why don’t you go shower, get some fresh clothes and I’ll order in some dinner.”

Liz exhaled and gave him a faint smile. “That sounds good,” she admitted. “Thank you,” she said as she disappeared into her bedroom.

* * *

Half an hour later, Liz emerged from her room clad in pajama bottoms, a t-shirt and a robe, her hair damp but combed. Ressler had shed his suit jacket and rolled up his shirt sleeves and was rummaging for plates in her cabinets. White Chinese food containers dotted the table along with an open bottle of beer.

“I hope you don’t mind but I swiped one of your beers,” Ressler admitted with a fleeting grin.

“Of course I don’t mind,” Liz replied as she sat down at the table.

“You want me to open one for you?”

“Sure, why not.”

After Ressler handed her the beer, he squeezed her shoulder lightly. “Did the shower help?”

“Definitely,” Liz exhaled. “I feel a lot more human now. Still beaten down and exhausted but definitely better.”

“Good.”

They ate in mostly companionable silence. Ressler wasn’t going to press Liz to talk if she didn’t want to. When they finished dinner, Ressler helped her clean up. When the last plate was cleaned and put away he turned and leaned against the sink as he faced her.

“I should probably get going and let you get some sleep. Tomorrow we’ll talk to Cooper and figure out what to do about Reddington.”

Liz nodded slowly. She stepped around the table and came closer and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Thank you for being here,” she said quietly. “It means a lot.”

Ressler tightened his arms around her and pressed a kiss on the top of her head. “Anytime, Liz,” he replied softly.

She stayed in his embrace for a few minutes before she took a step back and placed a hand on each of his arms

“About the other night,” she began, her head lowered.

“Don’t,” he interjected.

Liz looked up and met his eyes quizzically. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t apologize or feel like you need to make an excuse for what happened between us,” he replied evenly. “Because you don’t.”

Liz caught her breath as she saw the hurt in his eyes even as he was making an obvious effort to keep his face as neutral as possible. She reached up and gently cupped his cheek with her right hand.

“I wasn’t planning to apologize,” she said as her lips curved into a soft smile.

She could feel him catch his breath as his eyes scanned hers and his expression softened. After a long moment, he lowered his head and pressed his lips against hers hungrily. She slipped her arms around his neck and drew him closer as his hands tightened on her back. She felt like she was tingling from the top of her head to her toes as they explored each other’s mouths until they were both breathless. Eventually, they pulled apart, their foreheads still touching.

“I should go,” Ressler murmured reluctantly.

A part of Liz wanted to invite him to stay, to ask him to hold her and to help her forget all that had happened that day. But another part of her knew that once they crossed that line, there was no turning back.

“Probably a good idea,” she agreed regretfully.

Ressler retrieved his jacket and overcoat as Liz walked him to the door.

“Get some sleep,” he said as he touched her arm.

“You too,” Liz replied softly as she tugged on his sleeve and pressed another light kiss on his lips. Ressler held her gaze for another long moment, his eyes burning.

“Goodnight, Liz,” he managed as he forced himself to step into the hallway.

“Goodnight,” she whispered.

As the door closed behind him, Liz glanced at the clock. It was too late to call Beth to see how Agnes was doing, but maybe she had left a message. Liz rummaged in the pocket of her coat and groaned as she pulled out only Dembe’s phone and realized her own must still be sitting on the table in Reddington’s kitchen. At least she could still call her voicemail and see if Beth had left her a message.

Liz dialed her voicemail. Two messages. She smiled as Agnes’s cheerful voice filled her ear in the first message with “I love you, Mommy!” over and over. But as soon as the second began to play, Liz sat down abruptly and pressed her fingers against her lips as her mother’s voice – and Reddington’s – filled her ear. Liz replayed the message again and again until she was sure she had caught every word.

Liz carefully set the phone down and sat in stunned silence as her mind processed what she had heard. Reddington was N-13. The message confirmed it, and he had killed her mother to prevent her from learning that.

“Thank you, mother,” Liz whispered. “I won’t let him get away with it.” 


	3. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m a fugitive again – and you have to come for me, but before you do, before I start running – I need a rest. Even if it’s just for one night. Will you let me do that?” Liz scanned Ressler’s face anxiously as she waited for his response.
> 
> Ressler held her gaze for a long moment, as he struggled to keep his face outwardly impassive. He wanted to believe her this time. What he did know is that his right arm was throbbing, his back felt like he’d been stabbed with a thousand needles and he’d spent the past few hours fighting the urge to call in the prescription the doctor had handed him for painkillers. He shouldn’t have accepted it in the first place, but after everything that had happened, he hadn’t had the strength to say no. To say he was livid at Liz was an understatement. More than livid, he was hurt – crushed – that she’d had so little regard for his life and the lives of everyone in that hospital. But seeing her right in front of him, her eyes puddled with tears and her lips trembling, his resolve wasn’t just weak, it was non-existent. Who would have imagined that the very woman who’d caused him so much pain might just be the one to keep him from plunging over the edge of the cliff.

"I'm a fugitive again – and you have to come for me, but before you do, before I start running – I need a rest. Even if it's just for one night. Will you let me do that?" Liz scanned Ressler's face anxiously as she waited for his response.

Ressler held her gaze for a long moment, as he struggled to keep his face outwardly impassive. He wanted to believe her this time. What he did know is that his right arm was throbbing, his back felt like he'd been stabbed with a thousand needles and he'd spent the past few hours fighting the urge to call in the prescription the doctor had handed him for painkillers. He shouldn't have accepted it in the first place, but after everything that had happened, he hadn't had the strength to say no. To say he was livid at Liz was an understatement. More than livid, he was hurt – no, crushed – that she'd had so little regard for his life and the lives of everyone in that hospital. But seeing her right in front of him, her eyes puddled with tears and her lips trembling, his resolve wasn't just weak, it was non-existent. Who would have imagined that the very woman who'd caused him so much pain might just be the one to keep him from plunging over the edge of the cliff.

Liz could see that Ressler was deeply conflicted, despite his best efforts to hide it. But his eyes burned as they met hers and as they flicked lower to her lips, her heartbeat quickened. After a long pause, he stepped aside to allow her into his apartment and Liz slowly released the breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding.

She'd taken a big risk coming to see him, but she'd had no choice. From the moment she'd learned that he'd been caught in the explosion, she felt like an unshakeable weight had settled on her chest. She'd forced herself to push through making the necessary arrangements for her escape but she'd struggled to sit still, much less focus. She'd needed to see for herself that he was ok, to touch him with her own hands. She hadn't planned to stay, but she wasn't ready to leave either because once she did, she knew it was unlikely she'd ever see him again, at least not as a free woman. Her throat tightened at the thought.

"Give me your coat," Ressler murmured. Liz shrugged out of her olive pea coat and handed it to him. He tightened his fingers on the soft wool, as her familiar scent rose from the fabric. Ressler hung the coat up slowly in a closet by the door, taking an extra moment to linger in its welcome darkness before emerging to face his partner.

"You want a drink?"

Liz hesitated. Whisky would help calm her nerves. Tea would provide comfort. But either one would invite conversation and that was something she mostly wanted to avoid. After a long beat, she shook her head wordlessly. Liz swallowed hard, her emotions swirling, as Ressler joined her in the living room. She couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes and instead focused on the white bandage peeking out from under the sleeve of his t-shirt. She fingered the bandage lightly before pulling her hand back and curling her fingers into a ball.

"How bad is it?" she whispered, still unable to meet his eyes.

"Laceration down to the muscle," he replied tightly. "Hurts like hell, but I'll live. No weights for a while."

Liz fought the swell of emotion that rose in her throat as she processed what he'd said. Suddenly, a new realization hit her. "Did they give you meds for the pain?" Her eyes lifted towards his with genuine concern.

Ressler's expression narrowed and he clenched his jaw tightly as a muscle in his cheek twitched. "They offered, I declined," he replied curtly. "Regular Tylenol will have to do." He was surprised at how easily the lie rolled off his lips but it wasn't a total lie. He hadn't filled the prescription. Not yet, anyway.

Liz swallowed hard. "I'm so sorry," she whispered as she scanned his face anxiously. Ressler nodded slightly, wondering if she sensed the lie. Liz had always been able to read him like a book, at least when she was paying attention.

After a long pause Liz continued, "Is that the only one?"

"That's the worst one," he replied quietly. "Right shoulder needed stitches too. The cuts on are my back are smaller and should heal on their own." He was already uncomfortable and wished she wouldn't ask any more questions.

"Can I see?" she asked softly, her voice barely audible.

Ressler hesitated for a moment and then nodded. He'd already admitted enough and more than he was comfortable with. His heartbeat quickened as Liz gently untucked his shirt and helped him lift it over his head. He hardly dared to breathe as she circled him slowly, surveying the damage. His chest was largely unscathed except for his right arm and shoulder but his back was littered with tiny cuts. Liz winced as she fought the image of him being pounded by thousands of shards of glass.

"How did you manage to-" her voice trailed off.

Ressler pursed his lips as he fought an inner battle. Part of him wanted to lash out at Liz and spare her no details of the havoc she had wrought. The other part of him wanted to shield her from the worst of it for reasons he couldn't entirely explain, even to himself. After a long pause, he exhaled. "A nurse spotted the bomb hooked to the side of Reddington's bed," he replied evenly, "when I heard you arm it, I smashed the window with a chair and threw it out the window."

Liz gaped at him in horror. "You took the bomb in your bare hands and threw it out the window?"

Ressler nodded grimly, his expression inscrutable.

"My God," Liz whispered. Somehow, the admission surprised her even though she'd seen him act no differently in similarly risky situations.

Suddenly, she felt light-headed. She took a deep breath to collect herself and then stepped behind him and pressed a light kiss against his spine, followed by another and another. Slowly, she fluttered gentle kisses up and down his back as she unsuccessfully fought back tears. At the same time, she slipped her hands around his waist and stroked his unscathed abdomen. She could feel his breath catch, but he didn't protest.

Ressler shivered slightly as her touch sent frissons down his spine. The sensation of her lips on his bare back and her hands on his stomach was both unsettling and comforting. He closed his eyes and dropped his head forward, silently acknowledging that she could continue. Her hands traveled slowly upward from his abdomen, caressing his chest before slipping behind his head and grazing his hair. All the while she continued to rain kisses in between the blemishes on his back. Eventually, he realized that her kisses were mixed with tears and he slowly spun around until he was facing her.

"You don't need to apologize," he murmured as he cupped her face and brushed his lips against her damp eyelashes.

"I never wanted to hurt you," Liz whispered raggedly.

"I know," Ressler murmured as he lowered his lips to hers.

He could feel the tension leave her body as she cleaved against him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He wrapped his uninjured left arm around on her back and drew her close against him, the pain on his other side temporarily forgotten as their kiss deepened.

Liz caught her breath as he slipped his hands under her sweatshirt and caressed her bare back. Eventually, she stepped back and lifted her arms suggestively above her head so he could remove it and allow her skin to touch his. The heat rose between them as she melted once more into his embrace and he groaned softly as she pressed her hips against his hardness.

Finally, Ressler broke the kiss and, chest heaving, locked eyes with Liz. Her eyes were deep pools of blue, still glistening with tears, but the desire on her face was unmistakable. He swallowed hard, laced his fingers through hers and slowly walked backwards as he led her towards his bedroom.

* * *

Liz lay with her head on Ressler's unscathed left shoulder as she ran her fingers lightly up and down his bare chest.

"I hope that didn't hurt you too much," she murmured. She couldn't help but smile as the soft rumble of his laughter filled his chest.

"It was worth the pain," he replied as he pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. Liz squeezed his hand in quiet acknowledgment.

They clung together silently in the darkness, each unwilling to let go of the physical connection between them, but also each unwilling to risk further conversation. They each sensed their connection was tenuous, forged in a moment of genuine tenderness and feeling but just as capable of being splintered by the wrong word.

Finally, Ressler couldn't help himself. If he didn't speak his mind, and it was the last time he ever saw her before she disappeared, he knew he would never forgive himself.

"Liz, I – I'm not ready for this to be over just as it's beginning," he admitted softly, his voice breaking at the end.

Liz exhaled slowly as she tightened her grip on him. "Me either," she reassured him quickly, more quickly than she intended. But it was the truth. She'd planned to leave D.C. only with Agnes, without further encumbrance or entanglement, but suddenly things had become a lot more complicated.

Ressler slowly shifted onto his side and drew Liz closer until she was spooned against him. He was determined to hold on to her as long as he could, lest she try to slip out while he was sleeping.

"Good," he whispered into her hair.

Eventually, Liz's even breathing signaled that she was soundly asleep. It was only then that Ressler finally allowed himself to close his eyes and join her.


End file.
